


the past i've come to fear

by mysteryguest



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hermitcraft 7, Hugs, Lowercase, M/M, Trauma, Yandere High School - Freeform, yhs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23148418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysteryguest/pseuds/mysteryguest
Summary: grian hates this.he hates freezing up at the sight of a rabbit, hates flinching at the draw of an iron sword.he hates that ren is the one to see it first-hand.
Relationships: Grian/Rendog, Grian/Renthedog, Rendog/Grian, Renthedog/Grian
Comments: 6
Kudos: 498





	the past i've come to fear

**Author's Note:**

> tw / cw for panic attackz, general discussion of trauma, and the word "abuser" uzed !!!! stay safe darlingz, luv you all <3

\---

he had been gleefully twisting and twirling in the sky not even a minute ago, firing off rockets on a whim as the wind blew past him- his eyes were watering, but his grin was unwavering.

he _finally_ had his wings again.

they’d been strangely non-compliant ever since he’d fallen into the season 7 server.

maybe it was something about the air in the end, but they’d finally started feeling like his own again.

and it was _wonderful_.

  
  


it _was_ wonderful.

  
  


he had been on his way to ren’s (loser) island once more, with the goal of _definitely not_ stealing his front door, when it happened.

he had his diamond enchanted axe ready, about to silently chop the door off its hinges, when he heard footsteps nearing behind him, crunching against the occasional dry patch of grass.

he turned his head around slowly, a nervous grin on his face as he hid his axe behind his back- ren was back a bit earlier than he’d originally thought, he guessed.

he stopped, grin slowly falling, breath hitching in his throat.

he locked eyes with a rabbit mask, one acquired after killing one, as per server custom.

an iron sword was in ren’s hands.

  
  


he _screams_.

  
  


he saw ren’s wolf ears poking out from behind the mask, he saw his red shirt and overalls, he _knew_ that was ren, but...

he wasn’t looking at ren anymore.

he was staring at _sam_.

suddenly, he was back in the gym field, running from him as he called after _taurtis_.

suddenly, the iron sword was a knife, and he was being threatened with it.

he turns on his heel and he _runs_.

he slams the door shut behind him, and climbs up the ladder into ren’s enchanting room- _or was it the corner of a worn-down shack? he couldn’t tell anymore._

he hears ren’s voice calling after him with worry. he doesn’t care.

 _sam_ is probably just imitating him, anyway.

 _sam_ is probably just taunting him, trying to get him to come out so he can grab him by his hair and tell him what an awful person he is for trying to make him feel bad _again_.

he can almost hear it vividly, in an exaggerated pout; _"_ _i was just goofin' and gaffin', come on!_ _i know you’re faking it, crying so much! i know you hate me- how awful of a person do you have to be to try and lie to me?"_

he trips on one of the floorboards, and huddles across the ground, choking on his tears and clamps his mouth shut with his hands.

  
  


“grian?” ren calls after him. “...babe? are you- are you alright? i’m- so sorry, i knew you hated iron swords and i didn’t put it away anyways-”

  
  


his voice was cut off as he made his way upstairs, widened, worried eyes landing on grian curled against the ground.

  
  


“oh, grian, it- it’s okay…” he whispered, kneeling down in front of him in a rush, hand landing on grian’s back comfortingly.

  
  


grian shot up, pushing ren away from him _instantly_ , and scrambled away, heaving and staring wide-eyed up at ren.

ren stumbled to his feet, and took one step forward.

grian pushed himself back against the wall further.

ren flinched as though he had been slapped, and slowly took off the rabbit mask on his face as he backed up.

  
  


“grian, what-” he croaked, before noticing grian’s change in demeanor.

  
  


his eyes never left the rabbit mask, and he grew silent as his nails carved into the wooden planks beneath him.

  
  


after that, it’s easy to make the connection between grian’s behavior and the mask.

ren hastily tossed it in his bag, holding his empty hands up defensively as he cautiously sat down on the floor.

_(he wishes he never put it on as a joke- why did he have to do that, why was he so-)_

grian blinked, a few stray tears falling from his face, before his shoulders slowly began to relax.

  
  


“...re-ren?” grian croaked, breathing unevenly as he scanned ren's face.

“...yeah,” ren responded, voice quiet. “gri, what… what was that? are you- are you _okay_?” he whispered hoarsely, eyes wide with worry.

  
  


grian snapped his mouth shut, teeth grit.

he looks as though he’s debating something with himself silently, before sniffing and shaking his head.

  
  


“...do you, want to talk about it at all?” ren offers, voice shaken.

  
  


grian inhales sharply, shoulders tensing once more.

  
  


“i…” he begins, weary. “…there was… this-”

  
  


he cuts himself off, biting his lip. what was he even supposed to _call_ sam? an old “friend”? a friend of a friend? a toxic person? ...an _abuser_?

no, grian thinks. calling him that made him feel like he was about to hurl- he had no right to use such a word.

_(so many people have it worse than he’s had, he_ _knows_ _this. he has no right to use such a serious term when addressing him.)_

  
  


“…someone i used to know, i mean-” he started again, voice choking. “he… wasn’t a very good person. he- um, he… put me through a lot of- bad stuff, kind of? the- he had rabbit ears, i was just reminded of him, it’s nothing.”

“grian,” ren croaked, eyebrows furrowed with worry. “if it- if _that_ sent you into that big of a panic, it’s not just _nothing_.”

  
  


grian felt sick. he didn’t come over here to talk about his problems that, really, meant nothing at all. sam was gone. it’s been well over 5 years since leaving him.

it didn’t _matter_.

  
  


“grian.” ren said again, more firmly, though still keeping his voice quiet. “it is _not_ nothing. it matters. whatever he put you through, it _matters_ . i _promise_.”

  
  


grian’s breath hitched. he felt the tears building up for a long while, but finally, it boiled over, running down his face with hysterical sobs.

ren reached over to him, pulled him close, and hugged him tight.

  
  


“i j-j-just-” grian cried, voice pitifully meek and hoarse. “h-h-how am i s-supposed to li-live life if- if i'm t-t-terrified of-f livi-ing?” he sobs, gasping for breath.

“h-h-he told me i wa-was _noth-thing_ , he _th-threatened_ me with- wi-with knives, he- h-he- oh _god_ , _t-taurtis-_ ”

“ _breathe_ , grian,” ren pleaded, rubbing circles along grian’s back. “it’s gonna be okay. you’re _safe_.”

“wha-what if he _finds me_ one day? wh-what if he-” grian gasps, grabbing handfuls of ren’s shirt. “what if i s-see a rabbit in the corner of my eyes and-and- and it ends up being _h-h-him_?”

“ _grian_ .” ren breathed, pulling grian away to grab a hold of his face gently, and pressed a kiss on grian's forehead. “no one here would _ever_ let that happen. _no one_ is going to hurt you in _any_ way, we all love you so _much_ . _i_ love you.”

  
  


grian shut his eyes again and wept, grabbing a hold of ren’s hands as he hiccuped and gasped, tears falling against the oak floor.

ren held grian close for hours on ends, listening to his venting and his crying, until the sun set and the moon was high above the sky.

and- well, if there was an abnormal shortage in the rabbit population on the server the day after, no one said anything about it.

  
  
\---


End file.
